The saga of Vampire idiots 1: The Grand ball
by Lady Purl
Summary: The shansters are in for a very iditoic, somehow sexy, and totally crazy ball  where ALOT of mischief takes place in the famous vampire mountain    eugh crap summery  but come in for laughs  hehehe     love M  xxx
1. Kurda's golden moment

**[1] Kurda's gold moment**

**Disclaimer:**

Kurda: Lina does not own the cirque do freak, or any of it's characters including fabulous me!

ANDDD she does not own the great Selena's song 'Shake it up'

Peace out babes!

Lina: thanks Kurdy Wurdy

...

_Every non-sparkly vampire is gathered in the hall of kheldon lert to start off the grand ball!_

Arrow: Hellooooo everybody!

Everyone (except for Kurda who has a thing for other men): Hiya Prince Arrow!

Kurda: Heya sexy princeyyy!

Arrow(under his breath): F*** off.

Kurda: What?

Arra: (slaps Kurda's head)

Kurda: OWWIE. :(

Arrow: (sighs) Anyhow... Welcome to the grand ball! We have decided- I mean my best buddies Mika, Paris, and I, have decided a ball would be FUN.

Everyone (including Kurda, excluding Larten Crepsley): WOOHOO

Mr Crepsley: (snore)

Arra: Wake up faggot!

Kurda: (GASP!) You swooooreee! I'm telling on you!

Arra: (gauges Kurda's eye out)

Kurda: Ay Ay AYYYYY!

Arrow: Thankyou Arra.

Arra: (smirks): my pleasure prince.

Paris: Can I have a go speaking now?

Arrow: not just yet.

Paris: (mooches)

Arrow rolls his eyes.

Arrow: Okay... Okay... (sighs then gets off stage).

Mika (in Arrow's ear): You looked so friggin sexy up there- I could have eaten you!

Arrow: (Chuckles and licks lips).

Darren: (blushing) you know your mike is still on right?

Mika: Huh? (looks at audience)

Everyone: EWWWWW!

Arra: (mock faints)

Paris: (to the hall) HEY HEY now... show's over! (to Mika and Arrow) I'll join you later (winks)

Mika and Arrow: (shudder, shudder)

Paris: now... before the grand ball starts... a song, by our very own Kurda Smahlt, to kick it off!

Everyone: (rolls and sighs)

Kurda: (squeals and grabs the Mike of Paris) Okay... Peoples! Let's rock this thinggg!

Everyone: YAYY! (grumbles in the background)

Kurda: (snaps fingers) Start the music...

_Don't be hatin,_

_Don't be hatin,_

_Let me go right now!_

_Gonna dance around_

_Singing before the music_

_Goes down_

_Look at this_

_Look at this_

_I'm spinning so gimme a kiss_

_Now take it another level_

_No you ain't dreamin_

_Everybody, Everybody_

_Get into the hall_

_It can get a little bloody_

_When the fist hits the gore_

_Make a scene_

_Make a scene_

_Now everybody enjoy_

_Keep cracking it, till you rock it_

_Till we can take it no more!_

_Bring the fights up!_

_Bust the doors down!_

_Lift yourself off,_

_Take it off,_

_Take it off!_

_Princes set it off!_

_Break another rock_

_All together now_

_Take it off!_

_Take it off!_

_Tear your gowns_

_Tear your gowns_

_I've got something to say_

_When you're here with me,_

_I wanna suck off your face_

_Make a scene_

_Make a scene_

_Now everybody enjoy_

_Keep cracking it, till you rock it_

_Till we can take it no more!_

_Bring the fights up!_

_Bust the doors down!_

_Lift yourself off,_

_Take it off,_

_Take it off!_

_Princes set it off!_

_Break another rock_

_All together now_

_Take it off!_

_Take it off!_

_Br-br-br- brake it up,_

_You gotta sweat it off_

_And if the nights not right?_

_Just sex it off tonight!_

_Put on the groove,_

_Set it off the move_

_And when you've had enough_

_Br-br-br- brake it up!_

_Bring the lights up!_

_Bust your heads down,_

_Whisk yourself off,_

_Now shake it off_

_Shake it off!_

_Princes set it off!_

_Break another rock_

_All together now_

_Break it up!_

_BREAK IT UP!_

Everyone: (GAWK GWAK)

Arra: (faints for real)

Mr Crepsley: O.o

...

**A/N**

**Hey guys**

**The song is my/Kurda's remix of selena gomez's shake it up**

**The song is like STUCK in my head but you should totally listen- just makes me wanna dance and jiggle like crazy LOL**

**Anyhoo I hope you like this slightly silly fan fic... The fun should start soon... . **

**Characters that will be involved now, and sooner or later are: **

**Kurda, Gavner, Arra, Larten, Mika, Arrow, Paris, Vancha, Darren, Harkat, Debbie, seba nile, vanez blane and a few fangirls (if ya want to be in it just leave a review or PM me and i'll sort something special for ya girlies :D )**

**Anyhoo by for now and PLLLEASEE REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW :D**

**Love M**

**xxx**


	2. Too much Kurda

**[2. Too much Kurda]**

**Before I begin... let me introduce to you... Sarah! (OC character)**

**Enjoy peoples.**

**...**

Mika: ... thank you for that lovely song and dance Kurda... That was... um, what should I call it?

Arrow: Weird

Mika: Yh... But in a good way. (grins sheepishly)

Kurda: (bats eyes) my pleasure my sexiiiess

Arrow: Let's move before we catch the Kurda disease

(Everyone steps away...)

Larten: Will someone kindly aid me in taking Arra to the medics, please?

Seba: (looks shifty) I'm... busy. Bye! (runs off)

Larten: WHAT KIND OF FATHER IN LAW ARE YOU? COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!

Seba: NEVER! (Scoots off to hide)

Darren: It's okay... I'll help.

Larten: Thank you Darren. I can always count on you, unlike these useless vampires around us...

(Turns to the crowd around him) You shall all rot in hell, rot in hell I say, ROT IN HELL!

(Everyone looks shamefully to the floor.)

Larten claps his hands then motions for Darren to take Arra's legs.

Darren: Heavy! (goes red faced)

Larten: Use your puny muscles boy!

Kurda: What muscles? (looks generally confused)

Larten: Exactly! (shakes with laughter)

Darren: (glowers at his mentor) I... sometimes... really... hate you!

Kurda: Um, mam mam maaaaam... (gasps) You said the H word.

Mika: Piss off Barbie head.

Kurda: Oh... I know... my head is just a pretty like hers. I'm Barbie. But I need a Ken... I wonder where I can get a Ken... Hmmm... Oh! I know! YOU- Arrow!

Arrow: !

Kurda: (Goes on one knee) Will you be my Ken, Arrow?

Larten: Is it just I, or does the vast majority of the vampire clan think that Kurda has already been given too many lines by the ultimately stupid author already?

Kurda: Oh be quiet ginger face! You're just jealous.

Larten: Ginger face?

Seba: (pops his head out of hiding place) Ginger face?

Mika and Arrow: _Ginger face?_

Arra: (wakes up from sleep) HOW DARE YOU CALL MY HUBBY A GINGER FACE.

Kurda: ! Zombie! (runs off screaming)

Arra: Ima Kick your ass!

Larten: Hot chicka!

Everyone stares at him

Larten: I can be 'cool' once in a while, can I not? Stop staring!

Paris: Okay, okay! This Kurdish charade has gone on for long enough. Let's get to business. Music? Check! Decoration? Check! Blood? Check! Ale? Check! Annnddd... Vampires? Check!

Mika: Let's start this partayyyyy!

Everyone: YAYYYY (starts going wild and fighting)

Larten: Arra, I am glad that you are okay. (smiles)

Arra: That Barbie doll needs to stay away otherwise I'm gonna shove this finger up his ass.

Larten: (sighs)

Vanez: Hey creplsey! Hey miss sails!

Larten: oohh good night Vanez!

Arra: You're not fighting?

Vanez: No... I'm uh... My one eye is hurt.

Arra and Larten ogles at Vanez's single eye.

Vanez: stop it!

Arra: (squints eyes at Vanez) You're not one to Not fight even when hurt...

Larten: Aye Vanez. Tell us the truth. We are your allies.

Vanez: (sighs and looks dejectedly to the floor) I want to keep my handsome features ready for he real ball.

Arra: Huh?

Larten: Exactly what Arra said.

Arra: Ohhh I know why... (winks seductively at Vanez)

Vanez: Lay off slut!

Arra: (gasp and faints again)

Larten: Look what you have done now!

Vanez: I'm glad. All my fan girls are glad. All YOUR fan girls are happy. So don't complain.

Larten: My fan girls? Where! I would like to spend some time with them.

Vanez: dunno... But my special girly is here...

Larten: Who?

Vanez: My beautiful Sarah. There look.

Larten: Oh she is wonderous.

(sarah comes over in her long dress)

Sarah: OMGGGG it's Vanez blane! Vanez blane is here! (jumps up and down then leaps onto Vanez)

Vanez: ! (shrieks)

Sarah: I love you Vanez.

Vanez: I love you too Sarah.

Larten: find a room! Pft!

**This is a REAAALLY crap chapter **

**Just wish people would review/comment**

**Anymore fan girls?**

**Or fan boys? :D thehehe**

**Anyhoo.. Sarah is a fan girl of Vanez... And there's anotha girl coming up ;) **

**Let's keep this rollin!**


	3. Mika's first love

"_I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
>Life in plastic, it's fantastic!<br>you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
>Imagination, life is your creation<em>

_I'm a blond bimbo girl, in the fantasy world  
>Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly<br>You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink,  
>kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky...<br>You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always-"_

Mika: Shut the crap up!

(crashes into Kurda's room and jumps on his neon pink stereo)

Kurda: !

Mika: Take that, you puss!

Kurda: you will pay! (growls) you will pay with baby blue eye shadow, Super pink lipstick, thick black eyeliner, and I'll wax your body! RAWWRR

Mika: (laughs) I wear eyeliner already. Look. (then screams) ARghhh... Do not touch my Hairy body.

If you dare to tou-

(in the distance...)

_When I hear your name, my eyes just go beautiful,_

_And I'm standing in the rain, wondering how you_

_Became so... beautiful..._

Mika: Her voice...

Kurda: Her words...

Mika: Her passion...

Kurda: Her sexy red lipstick!

Mika: Her bea... WAIT. How do you know she wears sexy red lipstick?

Kurda: Because she is... (dramatic drumroll) the one and only SKYLAR!

Mika: O.o

Kurda: She's the most amazing pop star everrrr OMG I can't believe she is here, OMG I'm her biggest fan, OMG Ima faint!

(Kurda faints onto the stunned Mika)

Mika: Skylar? Her name sounds beautiful.

(someone enters the room)

The someone: Prince Mika, what business do you have in this blonde bimbo's room?

Mika: (dazily) shhh... I must find the girl with the amazing voice...

(Sarah pops her head around the door)

Sarah: Did someone mention Skylar? OMG two of my favourite people are here: Vanez AND Skylar! Byeee I gotta go see her!

Mika: Wait I'm coming too! Bye Larten. AKA The someone

(mika drops the snoring Kurda into Larten's foot)

Larten: Ouchie!

Larten (again): how come the author put me as 'someone'? She is so mean.

Skye (from the future): I know right.

Larten: Huh? Who is that?

Skye: No one. (vamooses)

Larten: (looks sad) she sounded nice.

Meanwhile...

(at the hall)

Mika is staring at the stage where a beautiful girl named Skylar stands singing closed eyes.

Mika: I vote that she is mine

Arrow: I vote that she is yours buddy... omg (starts to sniffle) Your first love... I'm getting emotional, it's making my male genitals smaller...

Mika: Bald prince say what

Arrow: (straightens up) eerrr, sorry bro. It's the Kurda disease- Kurditis.

Mika: (looks sympathetic) I'm with ya bro, I'm with ya!

Arrow and Mika Bro-hug.

On the stage Skylar opens her eyes and sees the two best friends hugging.

In her head, while singing: Awww, how sweet! And aww... look at the guy with gorgeous black hair, and SEXY- super duper sexy black eyes. I HAVE to get his number!

...

**And that's it for now ladies and some gents i suppose. :D**

**Skye... she will be in the next chapter which is dedicated to her and Larten :D Sarah will also be in that chapter more. :D**

**And alsoooo skylar is Mika's :D so... i have 3 OCs now but anyone else is more than welcome to join- just leave a review!**

**Hope ya like**

**And RECOMMENDDD (sad face) SOBS so hard**

**Larten: Lina... please grow up. Even Darren is not so wet!**

**Darren: (looking confused) YEAH!**

**Author: Hey! You two get back in the computer!**

**Larten: Sorry madam**

**Author: (giggles)**

**Lol**

**I'm wacko. .**


	4. Mobile phones

Grandball4

**Introducing Skye- Larten's new love interest.**

**(4)**

Larten is sitting in his room feeling particularly lonely- Arra is in the medics cave nursing a bruised head and everyone else is partying in the dance hall.

Larten: (childishly) ohh I'm Kurda, I'm blonde and gay, and I watch keeping with the kardashians, I'm so amazing this that and blah blah blah.

Someone enters the room

Girl: Hi (giggles)

Larten: What is it that you want? Cookies? No I do not have cookies.

Girl: I'm skye

Larten: The nice one? From the future?

Skye: not the future anymore. And I want You, not cookies.

Larten: What is that in your hand?

Skye: A mobile phone- it's an iphone.

Larten: So... how do you use it?

Skye: It's for texting and sending messages to other people- it's really cool. You don't have to go to the other person to send the message- you type the message onto here and then press send and it gets sent just like that!

Larten: So you type with your eye right?

Skye: no... with your fingers.

Larten: but you said it was an iphone?

Skye: It is. But type with your fingers.

Larten: oh! And you can only type with one eye open!- because it's not plural so you wink and type!

Skye: (goes red) yes sweetheart.

Larten: let me try.

Skye sits nexts to him and squeals.

Skye: I can't believe i'm sitting next to Larten!

Larten: how do I type?

Skye: it's touch screen so do this.

Larten: oh! I'll try.

(larten sloooooowly types his message. Dear Skye. You are pretty, and cannot compare to any vampire in here. From Larten.)

Skye: haha Thanks.

(skye presses in LOL)

Larten: Lol?

Skye: Laugh out loud. (grins)

Larten: (laughs VERRRYYY loudly- keeps laughing and laughing and laughing...)

Larten: i'm done.

Skye: nooo I meant you gotta type it.

Larten: Type what?

Skye: (slaps her head)

Larten: (types SIGTGCOA)

Skye: huh?

Larten: you think you're the only one who can shorten things- so can i!

Skye: Awww. What's it stand for?

Larten: Sorry I Got To Go Check On Arra

Skye: O.o

Larten: bye!

Skye: Someone shoot that B**ch


	5. Anger and spite

**Grand BALL 5**

**GUYS GUYS GUYS I. AM. BACK. Haha… I was in Rehab- jokes… (Okay so Kurda is giving me sympathetic looks right now which look dangerously huggable… so here is the next chapter and am soooo sorry for not updating **** )**

**Lina does not own anything from Cirque du freak or Darren shan!**

Arra: (monobrow moment) Who were you talking to?

Larten: (Looking shiftily at the floor) Uhm… Er… Just no one for real…

Arra: I heard you talking.

Larten: I am prone to talking to my-self sometimes… You know practising my-self for you.

Arra: (Going soft) AWwwwh, baby I love you!

Larten looks around the room scared then gasps.

Larten: What. The Fuck?

Arra: (looking where Larten is looking): OMG! Who the flying fangs are you?

Girl in corner: eeuugh… I'm…

Kurda suddenly appearing: THere you are! I've been looking for dat ass everywhere.

Girl (blushing): Hey Kurds… I was beginning to think you had ditched me…

Kurda: Ditch you? (puts hands on hips) Why in the world would I ditch you? You are totally babetastic!

Arra: OOOHhhh all this Kurdaness is taking a toll on me. LARTEN!

LArten: (snapping from his daze of staring at cute girl in corner): YES M'am!?

Arra: (narrowing eyes) Don't yell at me, you punk!

Larten: I'm not yelling at you! you're yelling at me. (Jabs his finger in his chest) OW fuck

Arra: (Jumps from medical bed) OMG. Did you just talk back to me?

Larten: Yup. (stares at his nails)

Arra: !

Kurda: Yo Larty Fink you should totally ditch flat ass here?

Arra: ! YOU DICK. Don't call me that. MY Arse is fatter, rounder, and omg who cares why am I arguing with a dimwit anyway?

Kurda: Come Kexy, Need some dance moves to learn to wash off that evil stare… eugghh… Good luck larty pantiess, Find yourself some meat (winks)

Arra: (GROWL) LArten. From now on, WE are OVER.

Larten: GASP!

KURDA: SCREAM! OMG Drama alert, Drama alert!

Kexy: Looks at floor awkwardly…

Skye comes running into room: GASP! Bitch! You are sooo dead for making my honey bunny sad!

Arra: (Raise eyebrow) Get real skank.

Skye: Bring. IT. ON.

LArten: Skye! No! I do not want to leave you just as I have found you.

Arra: OMG. So you WERE talking to someone.

Larten: So what? I am my own vampire. You are not qualified tell me who I can talk to and who I cannot. Skye. Step aside. You will get hurt unnecessarily.

Skye: Nah babe. Am gonna blow up this doll.

Arra: Kay then. Bring

SKye: IT

Arra: ON.

SKYE: CHARRRGEEEEEEEEE!


End file.
